it hovers around
an intangible presence
something left undone
just haiku it
the joys and challenges of life, seventeen syllables at a time
the joys and challenges of life, seventeen syllables at a time
January 29, 2007 in Uncategorized
Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.Ben Eastaugh and Chris Sternal-Johnson.
just haiku it
15 comments
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January 30, 2007 at 10:55 am
elsanne
I think you want “tangible” there, except that it messes up your syllable count.
Here’s intangible:
not tangible; incapable of being perceived by the sense of touch, as incorporeal or immaterial things; impalpable.
Or just disregard me and my “corrections”. Jeez!
Anyway–the ghost of meaning floats about like so many things I have left undone…
January 30, 2007 at 2:28 pm
missjuice
I’ll never ignore you, silly. I’m still thinking intangible, because I’m trying to capture that feeling of knowing you’re forgetting something but not being able to put your finger on what it is. It’s present but you can’t catch it. It comes to the edge of perception and then scurries away.
January 30, 2007 at 9:59 pm
elsanne
Which works, for sure. Nevermind me. Argh. I am driving myself crazy today.
January 30, 2007 at 11:06 pm
missjuice
What if I changed it to
YOU hover around,
and intangible presence
something left undone
(YOU would not be in caps, that’s one of my “rules”)
I’m really looking to make these good, and I am LOVING the feedback. If you think something didn’t fit, then I didn’t get it quite the way I wanted, you know? Keep the comments coming!
I could also see:
hovering around,
an intangible presence
it seems like a ghost or something…
February 2, 2007 at 1:01 am
elsanne
Yeeesss I like the remakes. More mysterious.
February 3, 2007 at 11:56 am
sarenka
Oh you know what, I agree with elsanne – because the presence of the unknown thing IS felt, isn’t it.
It is tangible, although not known.
February 3, 2007 at 1:23 pm
missjuice
Hmm. See, I still think “intangible”. (I am stubborn.) It’s FELT, but it can’t be touched. It’s *almost* tangible. And I think palpable might be a better word here anyway – but palpable or impalpable?
hovering around,
an impalpable presence
something left undone
almost palpable
on the brink of perception
something left undone
Still working on this one.
February 3, 2007 at 2:22 pm
maria
I think you were right the first time — a vague sense of something left undone is INtangible.
February 3, 2007 at 2:57 pm
fenwick
intangible here!
February 3, 2007 at 7:25 pm
Tanya
Intangible. If you meant that you can’t quite pinpoint it. If it’s vaguely hovering.
If it’s obvious, in your face, maybe a tangible presence.
But in the context you used…hovering…intangible seems more appropriate.
February 3, 2007 at 9:24 pm
missjuice
OK, so… intangible vs. impalpable?
I like impalpable because of the alliteration aspect (addictive alliteration aspect) with “impalpable presence”…
February 3, 2007 at 10:22 pm
elsanne
Palpating presents? Isn’t that something one does around Christmastime?
February 3, 2007 at 10:34 pm
missjuice
Damn, elsanne, you make me chuckle.
Oh, wait, I mean CAN’T YOU SEE WE ARE HAVING A SERIOUS DISCUSSION HERE?
Crap, I’m still chuckling, in spite of myself. *smooch*
and come ON, “impalpable presence” is GOOD. Say it ain’t so.
February 6, 2007 at 11:26 pm
elsanne
The sheer quantity of syllables in that sentence 3 posts ago just disqualifies you from something. I don’t know what, but something.
February 6, 2007 at 11:26 pm
elsanne
*snicker*
*runs off gleefully*